My interest in doubt occurred when I began having some. I probably should not have started thinking about abuse of power, the problem of evil, human responsibility, dualism versus monism, science, and the fall. My study of psychology, with a particular interest in phenomenology, has probably contributed to my present spiritual doubts. I may have been better off happily accepting biblical innerency and local church authority. However, you can’t unknow what you know. And I now have an opportunity to answer the questions of life with more questions. We’ll see if answers emerge within the seeking soul.

Theoden: I have left instruction. The people are to follow your rule in my stead. Take up my seat in the Golden Hall. Long may you defend Edoras if the battle goes ill.
Eowyn: What other duty would you have me do?
Theoden: Duty? No… I would have you smile again, not grieve for those whose time has come. You shall live to see these days renewed. No more despair.

This reminds me that there can be no duty where the love of my Father is concerned. His is a posture and call is love. There can be no other God but the God of love.

If you start from a place of grace, you’ll eventually find yourself becoming obedient in spite of yourself.

And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.

The following scriptures are meant, not as proof-texts for a theology of brokenness, but as words of healing for wounded people.

The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit (Psalm 34:18, ESV).

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds (Psalm 147:3, ESV).

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light (Matthew 11: 28-30, ESV).

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid (John 14:27, ESV).

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me (2 Corinthians 12:9, ESV).

[More Bible Verses About Healing A Broken Heart]

In Christ, find the answer to your deepest questions. Find healing, dear brother and sister. Peace be with you.

My conscience is calling me to connect with others while the pain of the past still haunts me. On the surface it feels like a no-win situation. However, I have been living with a number of obstacles to regular fellowship. Working on a doctorate stands in the way of a lot of things. Moving once per year over the course of 3-4 years is also a barrier-to-entry where fellowship is concerned.

~Father, heal our wounds. Let us live out the life you have fashioned for us. We trust that your tender shepherd heart will lead us to share in eternal life as one body, the church. Amen.~

A strange kind certainty was commonplace in the tradition in which I was raised. Perhaps the kind of certainty you’ve seen. A kind of confidence with two prongs:

On the one hand I would often think, “Wow!? How do they… how can he be so sure?” And for months and years in my teens and twenties I tried this confidence on like tailor-made clothes. The trouble is that they were made for someone else. At times I felt tremendous guilt that those clothes didn’t fit. And the second prong of this unholy two-horned beast can be understood simply by “Really? You can’t be serious.”

As I’m sitting here thinking about this I remember two examples of this kind of monolithic certainty. I don’t believe these statements, paraphrased here, exaggerate or falsely represent the sentiment: “I came to Christ and I never looked back” and “I have never doubted.”

There were many times that I wondered how that could ever be my story. How could I become so certain. And so I punished myself by indulging guilt, a pointless pleasure. And when self-loathing had reached its fevered pitch and the religious crowd confirmed my stupidity and ineptitude I quit. Enough was enough. And damn! I was angry.

Anger followed me around until I quit again. That was it. I dumped the ministry. Ministry with airquotes. And what an odd experience that was. And after a long while you can imagine how ironic it felt when I sensed that Jesus standing there. If prayer had been a literal conversation he might have said “Hi. Whatcha doing?” “Wha… what are you doing here?” And Jesus may have posed, “Nothing really. I just noticed you quit.”

And some of you know what it’s like to live in this strange new place. “To hell with it all. I quit.” And life unexpectedly starts to feel different. It’s as though God is as relieved as you. And your faith starts trending in a helpful direction.

You’re not really sure where it will all lead and maybe you, like I, don’t really care. But you know Father in Christ is good. Really good. Generous. And this whole walk-with-Him bit starts to feel hopeful. It’s not the kind of hope that implies a sense of control over life or faith. Much of it feels out of control. No more precise theology. Just a sense that something good is happening in the nature and character of God and you’re happy to be along for the ride. And you might hear him whisper, “I love you.” And through tears you say, “I love you back.”