One of the first things my first pastor/employer told me prior to hiring me at age 22 was, “You’re going to have to forget everything you learned at college.” At the time it made perfect sense. It was yet another step foreword in the guilt-ridden religious system that surrounded me and that I had embraced.
This small, yet powerfully manipulative man, was preparing me to follow him in a practice some might identify as a kind of grooming. I was to listen to him and follow his lead. I would have to forget everything a liberal arts and biblical education had taught me. It’s one of those things that must be said if you’re going to brainwash someone. To an outsider it sounds odd. Forget everything?
On my long commute home I was pondering this demand. It’s been about 14 years since he said those words. I was impressionable, highly motivated to please, and desperate to please God by policing my behavior and listening to leaders. I began to ask a few questions of my own. Was I to forget the friendships forged in laughter and prayer? Was I to forget what I learned from a list of honest, godly, and seasoned professors? Was I to forget four years of hard fought maturity? Obviously, no.
I’ve decided that I won’t forget those things. I’ve decided to make them a part of my life again. They belong in my daily experience. They are apart of the tapestry Father has woven into my life. Those years in service to the machine, the authoritarian leader, and the cold, cruel law have caused a new kind of yearning. I long for grace. I long for freedom. And the only place I know to look is to Him. His mercy is new every morning, noon, and night.
Not too long ago my wife and I watched a documentary on Jonestown, which chronicled the experience and mass suicide of nearly 1,000 people in a religious personality-cult. While our experience was far less intense and not remotely deadly we both felt we could relate to this small band. We had some idea of what they had experienced. This is what happens when a community allows an individual to reside in the place meant only for Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.
Jesus is enough. I can stand alone… together with Him. And trust that he’s going to bring people to our side who share our desire for His sweet presence and the un-coerced leading of the Spirit. So tonight, it’s enough just to trust in Him.
