I forget how I came across Molly’s blog but I’m glad I did. She’s asking the kind of questions that I think will make a difference in the life of her children. As near as I can tell, she’s attempting to shepherd her kids while simultaneously “stumbling out of the evangelical/fundamentalist subculture.”
As far as I’m concerned, there’s a fine line between consistently loving and disciplining our children and pleasing ourselves as selfish parents. Much in the evangelical model hasn’t done a great job of showing parents how to love their kids into the kingdom and into good behavior.
Having said that, I’m a big believer in limits. I want to be careful not to say no when I don’t mean no because it sends a mixed message to my kids if they cross the no-line and I don’t stick to what I said to begin with.
Bottom line: I desire to show my kids that I love them and I’m broken about the way I behave sometimes. Unfortunately my parenting can be more about me and less about those beautiful little kids Father gave us to shepherd and love.
Let me wrap this up by saying thanks to Molly for encouraging me to respect and love my children while I seek to train them to know Him and be polite! If you feel inspired you could encourage her because I think the “Raising Kids God’s Way™” crowd has pounced on her (not that there’s anything wrong with raising kids God’s way).
Thanks for the kind words!
I’m a believer in limits, too. Absolutely. And in teaching our kids to obey. But I totally agree with you—there is a fine line between wanting the best for our kids and just wanting them to behave because we’re selfish as parents…
A good leader is about serving those he/she leads. Parenting is the ultimate in leadership, I think… I really want to follow the example of Christ there. And I’m really not sure that some of the conservative parenting guru’s are doing a good job of that.
Molly – It’s a blessing to run into people who are dumping evangelicalism while pressing into the goodness of the Father in Christ. It challenges me to continue to live a life of love.
Bless you sister!
My kids are grown and the nest is empty. I made a lot of mistakes, but I’m proud of my kids. My parenting philosophy was grounded in the words of Kahlil Gibran:
“For their souls [the souls of children] dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.”
I lived a great deal of my parenting life living through my kids. I was criticized for that, but I didn’t care. I tried to view the world from their worldview, and most of the time I was pretty amazed. Having kids and growing up with them gives you a second look at life–a better look most of the time. Other times it’s just puzzling. I learned how damaging to the delicate psyche of a child a church climate can be. Be very careful of that.
It was such a blessing, because my childhood was filled with anger, animosity, and broken parents. I loved my parents, but they missed so much by focusing on their own petty issues. I didn’t do that and when I look back on rearing my kids, I do so with very little regret. We had so much fun and learned so much together. We spent time together.
My advice for parents: Know that your kids will one day look back on your skills as a parent and will measure all that you were and did with what they know to be true as adults. So be true to your kids, warts and all. And always look for the hurt in your kids that is manifesting itself as anger.
Dear India,
From the bottom of my heart…thank you.
Dave Weisberg