I’m considering renaming this blog the “A Little Cheese With Your Wine?” For the time being lets call it “Processing Religious Information.”
My heart hurts tonight. It’s been a tough day spiritually, emotionally, and physically. Do you always take things harder when you’re tired? I sure do.
As I said (or alluded to) in the two preceding posts I’m fighting the go-to-church battle again. I told the pastor that I hadn’t been at church because I’m trying to silence the voices of obligation. Well, he said we all have obligations and church is one of them. If your child throws up in the middle of the night you are obliged to go clean it up. Good point. I don’t think I had anything brilliant to say to him in response to that.
Woohoo. And stick a fork in me cause I’m done. At any rate, in the process I’ve heard a few phrases this week that I haven’t heard in a while:
“It’s o.k. to process things as long as it’s not rebellion.” Who decides what rebellion is? Why are pastors the only ones who have a plentiful supply of the “rebel” sticker? It isn’t like I want to take a bunch of your church people with me. I’m just trying to find the line between modern churchianity and what the Scripture describes as the church.
“Would the Spirit lead you not to go to church?” To which I responded, “I’m not sure if the Spirit would lead me to ‘go to church.’” Not a popular statement in traditional circles. In fact it seems to be a fast track to pastoral irritation. Clearly, not my intention. Thinking has proved to be a real problem in my life. Must lobotomize.
“God just wants us to be happy” (sarcastically, because God obviously wants us in church, sober, and slightly miserable). Of course God doesn’t want us happy. I’m not a millionaire, I spent the last four years healing from spiritual abuse, every day I battle my stinking flesh tooth and nail, and I know–beyond a shadow of a doubt–that life isn’t a bed of roses. My lack of Sunday observance has nothing to do with making me happy. I’m not doing it for the fun of it. I want to move toward something more real.
I honestly wasn’t picking a fight. I don’t want a fight with church people. I want a fight with a pastor even less. Been there, done that, got the blood-stained t-shirt. I’m merely trying to move toward a more honest position in life. I want to be grace-fully honest about who I am and how I seek to live out my life of faith. And if that life doesn’t include an obligatory visit to the building on Sunday morning, I think that should be OK.
Honestly, I feel my fallenness acutely. It’s easy to criticize others for what we perceive to be unjust treatment but I know what a turd I can be sometimes. Basically I want to keep a little perspective. Hopefully the whole thing blows over. I’ll let you know if I’m sitting obediently in a pew this Sunday. 
Jeff,
I’m sorry it was a difficult day for you.
I am a firm believer in assembling together in community. I am not so firm in interpreting what that looks like for people. What I intensely dislike is when people (especially leaders) take a principle of Scripture, and guilt you with THEIR METHOD of fulfilling that principle–as if going to that particular church every Sunday was a commandment.
I realize, though, as I’m sure you do, that such comments are often well-intended; it’s just that the person doesn’t have a grid for seeing it any other way.
I could think of something to say to the analogy of having an obligation to clean up vomit, and comparing that to the obligation of going to church. I don’t know if I would have had the nerve to say it, though….
Thanks Jeff… I think you’re right in saying the comments are well intended. He’s got a beautiful heart and has typically been extremely gracious and loving. And yes, pastors don’t generally have any framework outside of the Sunday-to-Sunday deal they inherited.
Church and vomit. LOL! I hadn’t seen it like that.
I hear ya. I wish I had advice for you, but I don’t, and it doesn’t sound like you’re asking for advice anyhow. But sometimes it just helps to know there are people like me who relate to what you share.
Erin – Yes. I really value knowing there are those who relate… who know what I’m getting at. Reading a couple of kind remarks in the comments made me feel like I was going to be OK today. Thank you!
I’m sorry you’re going through such a difficult time, Jeff.
I have no advice other than to trust God to direct you. Today’s post from the Naked Pastor might help.
Heather – Just what the doctor (Jesus) ordered! Thank you dear sister. It’s funny that we can be so concerned with impressing God, ourselves, and everyone else with holiness and spiritual activity that we fail to activate grace. The real substance of a grace-filled life is holy action, freedom, and greater effect for God. It’s bassackwards to what we think. Strange, this Christ-life.
Just stumbled upon your blog from a link from somewhere…maybe Kingdom Grace’s blog. Interesting title and thoughts. Tonight is our wine and cheese tasting group meeting. At this point all the members are church members and it includes the senior pastor. I am sure there are many religious folk who would gasp at that (probably some of our own church members).
I am sorry about controlling and manipulative leaders and those in leadership who are guided by a spirit of religion in the church today. I think we often fall prey to them and we ourselves even believe we receive love by what we do rather than who God is. This is due in part to our own performance orientation.
I hope you do find a group of folks who can gather together in Christ in worship, prayer, fellowship and mission.
ioh – Sign me up for the wine and cheese tasting group! Although I’m a little more blue collar. Do they do beer and pretzel tasting groups?
I pray we’ll find that kind of community too.
The guys in the group do want to do the beer tasting and of course, if you give a guy a beer, he is going to want a pretzel to go with it…
Perhaps on a fishing weekend or something that might be a nice addition.
If you are ever in Minnesota, let me know, and my wife and I can show you around and you can worship with us.
ioh – It’s a deal.
Fellow stumbler.
Wait. Did the pastor just compare the church to children’s vomit we have to clean up? Seems like an apt comparison to me. Stinky. Chunky. Makes you gag.
Personally, I think rebellion is helpful.
I have had those days. The tone and message of what you say leads me to believe that you are on the right path, even outside the four walls of a church building. Keep pressing on.
Jeff
Thanks for sharing. here’s to cleaning up vomit and going to church. I’m happy to say that I have managed to mostly avoid “going to church” for a couple years now, and I’m much happier for it. And there is at least one pastor who, I believe, is much happier for it as well. Here’s to increasing the general level of happiness in the world.
Cheese and wine is one of the more brilliant combinations on the planet.
You rock. Rebellion is a word that the powerful use to maintain their power, legitimate or otherwise (in this sense it is very similar to the word “insurgent”) How many times did Jesus use the word? He was more into giving power away than maitaining it. Crazy idea. The guy was really deeply … scary to the pastors-that-be. They got so freaked out they had to kill him. He liked to do comparison along the lines of “church is like vomit” as well. Actually, he went further than that.
=)
Unorthodoxology – I’m not sure if I’m ready to say rebellion is helpful. I don’t want to be rebellious. But if by rebellion you mean independent thinking and Spirit-led self-direction then I understand.
I don’t want to come off like a hot head, neither do I want to damage the work being done inside the institution. I want love those laboring inside the box even if the trajectory of my life keeps me outside the four walls. Peace.
benjamin ady – I think you’re right on the money in your comments about rebellion. There are a variety of hot-button words in evangelicalism that help people maintain the kind of order they seek. Rebellion is certainly one of them. The pastor from my church-left-behind liked the term “independent-spirit” to describe those who didn’t fall into line.
Father forgive your body for failing to love!
My advice: Don’t go. Spend Sunday morning lounging in your pajamas. Take in an extra cup of coffee or two. Read the paper. Sit outside. Watch for your neighbors so you can say hi. You sound tired to me. It’s ok to be tired. Do this every Sunday for as long as you need to do it. Get some rest. Then one day, you’ll think, maybe I’ll go to church on Sunday. Maybe not. When you’re ready again, and it may take a while until you’re ready, you’ll go. And you’ll have a whole lot more perspective. Enjoy the journey.
India – I think you’re right on the mark. I’ve dutifully done church for 25 years and I’m tired. Tired of the game.
Hi Jeff,
Been reading your blog and it really resonated. My wife has been badly burned by church life/people and has decided to walk away from it for her sanity and health. Nevertheless judgement on her has begun. The thing is though, since she made that decision to leave she has been liberated. She’s happier. I love it.
She’s a pastor’s daughter and has lived in a goldfish bowl all her life, with people deciding the person she should be. Now she’s finally discovering who she really is. The church hindered her. Sad but true.
“I’m tired of the game” – I said that only yesterday. Thanks for your truthfulness, it has really helped me.
tom – Wow. Thanks. I have found quitting the Sunday routine has run cross-grain to my religious upbringing. The church crowd doesn’t like it either but if that is what makes me relax in Christ and my Father’s affection then so be it.
The goldfish bowl is not a happy place. I’m glad to hear that your wife is finding peace. Bless you.
Thanks Jeff.
Incidentally, it’s a comfort to know that no matter where in the world you are (I’m in England) there are people going through similar journeys. Helps preserve the sanity! There are others grappling with similar things!
Tom, please tell your lovely wife that she should be very pleased that those fine church folks are having a grand time talking about her. Just think, by keeping her as the subject of their conversations, they are not gossiping about others. Think of it as giving those other unfortunate souls a break. I loved it when people talked about me. They still do, I am sure. Makes me smile, because they are not talking about someone else.