I think the last sermon I heard had something to do with prophecy. Plus the elder took the opportunity to resign from leadership. It struck me as an odd, angry, and passive-aggressive rant. I think that was the last sermon I heard. It was about October 2008.
The last time I can recall being a part of a service was when I sang for a Bible-quiz fundraiser. Another slightly odd occasion. I felt like the new kid at a middle-school dance. It’s the kind of awkward that you’re the only one feeling. Everyone else is happily chatting, eating store-bought cookies; they’re settled into the comfortable pattern of “hello” and “how are you.” I have a strained relationship with the religious world at the moment. As odd as it sounds; that seems to be working for me.
Kingdom Grace’s recent off the grid thoughts have special meaning to me. She said, “Unplugging from traditional services. No longer a customer” and “The simplicity of faithful Christian living doesn’t require expert help. Those who imply that it does have something to sell.” I’m not unsympathetic to the needs of a bureaucracy; I only have so much time and I don’t want to spend it trying to strike the proper religious pose.
My wife, God bless her amazing and patient heart, was noting that I haven’t gotten sick as much as when I was busy in the system. The stress I don’t feel isn’t killing me anymore. Sometimes I feel like one of a handful of hippies trying to reinvent the wheel. But the freedom. The beautiful, soul-refreshing freedom. I wouldn’t give that up.
I remember what it was like. One of my friends used to called me his spiritual advisor. And that’s what I felt I was expected to be… a special and hallowed human with uncanny spiritual powers. My job was to hear from God every week and pass whatever I heard along to everyone else. We could have been Ken and Barbie for Jesus but I was too heavy. And balding. Plus I was a terrible expert who knew too little. I could see through my own religious façade.
Ultimately, going, or not going to church, isn’t the point. Living deeply in the love of God in Christ, however, is everything. What seems most helpful is finding the kind of space where we can live freely out of the desires of our good Father’s heart. And that’s about all I need right now.
