Under The Grace

The Heart of the Matter

Jeff — Sat, 31 Jul 2010 18:28:03 +0000

I’m afraid my faith trajectory too often vacillates between tenuous satisfaction and a need to try harder. I’m at the place where my cognitive fall-back point is a simple trust in the love of God in Christ but my actions keep saying something else. A friend used to say, “Welcome to life under the curse.” And he’s right. There’s really no time for guilt. It’s pointless. The reality is that no matter the circumstance we are well loved children of our Father through Jesus. And this is the feature of faith that keeps us moving forward, hand-in-hand with the Father, despite inevitable failings. In this way, Christ remains central. We rejoice in our Father’s salvational work in Christ, instead of wallowing in self-pity. Jesus remains the heart of the matter.

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I Love You Back

Jeff — Sun, 20 Jun 2010 05:04:57 +0000

A strange kind certainty was commonplace in the tradition in which I was raised. Perhaps the kind of certainty you’ve seen. A kind of confidence with two prongs:

On the one hand I would often think, “Wow!? How do they… how can he be so sure?” And for months and years in my teens and twenties I tried this confidence on like tailor-made clothes. The trouble is that they were made for someone else. At times I felt tremendous guilt that those clothes didn’t fit. And the second prong of this unholy two-horned beast can be understood simply by “Really? You can’t be serious.”

As I’m sitting here thinking about this I remember two examples of this kind of monolithic certainty. I don’t believe these statements, paraphrased here, exaggerate or falsely represent the sentiment: “I came to Christ and I never looked back” and “I have never doubted.”

There were many times that I wondered how that could ever be my story. How could I become so certain. And so I punished myself by indulging guilt, a pointless pleasure. And when self-loathing had reached its fevered pitch and the religious crowd confirmed my stupidity and ineptitude I quit. Enough was enough. And damn! I was angry.

Anger followed me around until I quit again. That was it. I dumped the ministry. Ministry with airquotes. And what an odd experience that was. And after a long while you can imagine how ironic it felt when I sensed that Jesus standing there. If prayer had been a literal conversation he might have said “Hi. Whatcha doing?” “Wha… what are you doing here?” And Jesus may have posed, “Nothing really. I just noticed you quit.”

And some of you know what it’s like to live in this strange new place. “To hell with it all. I quit.” And life unexpectedly starts to feel different. It’s as though God is as relieved as you. And your faith starts trending in a helpful direction.

You’re not really sure where it will all lead and maybe you, like I, don’t really care. But you know Father in Christ is good. Really good. Generous. And this whole walk-with-Him bit starts to feel hopeful. It’s not the kind of hope that implies a sense of control over life or faith. Much of it feels out of control. No more precise theology. Just a sense that something good is happening in the nature and character of God and you’re happy to be along for the ride. And you might hear him whisper, “I love you.” And through tears you say, “I love you back.”

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Dad, Why Don’t We Go to Church Anymore?

Jeff — Mon, 31 May 2010 08:05:25 +0000

The kids ask us this from time to time and I always stumble for words. I’m regularly inclined to say, “Well, we keep you from the machine because your dad has a bunch of hang-ups.” And a 7, 5, and 1 year old wouldn’t know what to do with Wayne Jacobsen’s Why I Don’t Go To Church Anymore: Living in the Relational Church thoughts.

So I told them that going to church is impossible. Dad is the church, Mom is the church, you, and your two siblings are the church. Together we, with the church throughout the world, are the church. Church isn’t a “do,” it’s a “be.” We can’t “go” to church cause we are the church. Stuff like that. And our oldest says, “We could do church here.” And yes, I think we could BE the church right here, right now, in all that we do and think. And certainly praxis enters into that somewhere. More specifically, praxis is all over the place. Just not in a physical temple. At least not for us in this season of life.

The very thought of institutional involvement is enough to give me a quiver in my liver. I’d have to accept way too much law to jump into that stream again. There are Jesus people all over in our lives. And our generous Father is always speaking. We just need to listen. So I’ll continue trying to find words for this beautiful life we have in Jesus. A here-and-now experience of faith that doesn’t need a Sunday religious experience. Sorry for the judgement. It’s just where I’m at right now. G’night.

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Gospel for Those Broken by the Church

Jeff — Mon, 31 May 2010 00:26:11 +0000

Dr. Rosenbladt’s message, “The Gospel For Those Broken by The Church” is flat out good stuff. And I think he’s been reading my mail. This is about the best treatment of the gospel I’ve heard in a long time. Rosenbladt beautifully captures what I feel is the heart of the gospel when he said the following:

Now it seems to me the key question here is a very basic one. Can the cross and the blood of Christ save a Christian failing as he or she is at living the Christian life? Or not? I hope that most of us would say that the shed blood of Jesus is sufficient to save a sinner. All by itself. Just Christ’s blood. Nude faith in it. Sola fide. Faith without works. A righteousness from God apart from law. A cross by which God justifies wicked people.

And I believe that the blood of Christ can save both the sinner and saint. The blood of Christ that unites the trajectory of eternal life with ours is all I’ve got going for me. There’s no way I’d be in him without the finished work of Christ.

Rosenbladt highlights a vital theme in his message: the finished work of Christ saves the sinner, but it also saves the saint. I’ve got nothing better going for me today than I did the moment I expressed saving faith. It’s Christ at the beginning, middle, and end. I believe my challenge is to stay in Him… to stay connected to the life-giving vine. In Christ is life and a true and unhindered connection to the Father.

[Thanks to Chaplain Mike for the link]

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Goodbye Michael Spencer

Jeff — Fri, 09 Apr 2010 06:29:49 +0000

Michael Spencer’s death on April 5, 2010 hit me hard. I cried when we heard he had cancer. And when news came that he was receiving hospice care–that cancer treatment was no longer effective–I sobbed again. Incidentally, I work in hospice care as a bereavement specialist. It’s sacred work. And I knew that Michael would be offered comfort in the final act of his life… death. And I’ve cried a bunch in the days since his death.

Michael, the Internet Monk, was a blogger and podcaster I have followed for several years. He was with my family in our journey out of vocational ministry. It wasn’t an easy time; I was confused and disoriented. He spoke grace and peace to us in that crazy, comforting, southern drawl. There were many times–when my wife and I were listening to the Internet Monk podcast–when we said, “Yes! That’s it!” He had a way of making me love the Savior more. I’ll miss his accent, snarky commentary, and love for Christ. I’m thankful that I got to be a part of his life, virtually speaking, for so long. I have a greater love for Christ and the gospel because of him. And I’m sad.

Michael wasn’t afraid to take on the teachers of the law (a.k.a. Reformo-bloggers). He stood for grace and for patience. I always felt he stood up for the little people, those with no voice. He was a theologian and a gospel-advocate. I’m sure I saw what Jesus must have been like in Michael Spencer. Sure, he was human. And Christ was there too. A lot of Jesus. The story of redemption.

I am amazed at how prolific he was. When I heard he had begun writing a book (Amazon link) I was thrilled. And I couldn’t believe how quickly he finished it. Chapter after chapter, some editing, working on the title… all in semi-secrecy. And it was done. Or he had handed it off to his editor. Whether blog or book, the guy could churn out material. Great material.

How did he come up with “The Post-Evangelical Wilderness?” I wasn’t looking for that kind of language, but it perfectly framed what I was feeling. “Jesus-shaped spirituality” was another unexpected answer to an unspoken evangelical personal-problem. And it was water for my thirsty soul.

I’m wrecked. Wrecked that I lost Michael. And I didn’t even know him in the traditional sense. But I’m starting to own it. He’s my iMonk. He’s my brother in Christ. I know, after scouring the interwebs for iMonk-commentary, that there are a lot of you who have had a similar experience. I’ll miss him terribly.

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iMonk

Jeff — Thu, 08 Apr 2010 04:32:50 +0000

Here’s another way for me to honor Michael Spencer and not let this moment pass. Chaplain Mike has some very nice things to say.

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Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff

Jeff — Wed, 07 Apr 2010 21:00:46 +0000

I’ve been a follower of Christ since a special day in 1979 or ’80 in Tacoma, Washington. I can hear myself and others asking how could I have understood a commitment like that. I’m not completely sure, but I’m still a part of that kingdom. Somehow.

In recent years I feel that I’ve gone from Pharisee-in-training to something different. And while I don’t really understand Father’s generosity, kindness, or love I’m content to receive those undeserved gifts.

Precise theology or a “thoroughly biblical worldview” are no longer the point for me. Christ is the point. Living in Father’s love through the finished work of Christ is all I wanted to begin with. Even when I didn’t know it.

And now I seek to rest in that reality. When I find myself stressing and striving the invitation is always to rest and peace. Now that I have some understanding that I can’t do anything apart from him the call is to his heart and to those things he wants to do.

And no, this doesn’t mean I just sit on my butt waiting for something to happen. Strangely enough, that was my posture prior to the Pharisectomy. This means that I continue to move forward and to look for him in the life he’s given me. And I think it’s more of a mystery than that. Father works in unique and individual ways. How did Jesus heal sight? A different way each time. And that’s often how he’s working and leading in our lives. There’s no formula because the whole thing is worked out in a relationship with our Father through Christ, by the power of his Spirit.

We may finally be able to enjoy faith. We love God, not because we’ll fry in Hell if we don’t, but because he is a gift to our soul. He’s our anchor and our love. He’s amazing. His generosity and kindness has finally won us. And there’s no sweating the small stuff when you’re okay in him.

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Friends Remembering Michael

Jeff — Tue, 06 Apr 2010 18:22:10 +0000

From Jared Wilson at The Boar’s Head Tavern:

A few weeks ago I said on Twitter that none of us are gonna get to heaven and hear Jesus say, “Great blog, dude.” I take that back. Michael made so many people, from so many different places and traditions and perspectives and experiences, feel like they weren’t alone — many times through sharing his own sense of exile — and he did it by stubbornly insisting a fixation on Jesus.

Travis Prinzi at The Boar’s Head Tavern:

Depart, O Christian soul, out of this world; In the Name of God the Father Almighty who created you; In the Name of Jesus Christ who redeemed you; In the Name of the Holy Spirit who sanctifies you. May your rest be this day in peace, and your dwelling place in the Paradise of God.
(thanks to Joel Garver via Facebook)

From Bill MacKinnon at The Boar’s Head Tavern:

“There was a real railway accident,” said Aslan softly. “Your father and mother and all of you are–as you used to call it in the Shadowlands–dead. The term is over: the holidays have begun. The dream is ended: this is the morning.”
And as He spoke He no longer looked to them like a lion; but the things that began to happen after that were so great and beautiful that I cannot write them. And for us this is the end of all the stories, and we can most truly say that they all lived happily ever after. But for them it was only the beginning of the real story. All their life in this world and all their adventures in Narnia had only been the cover and the title page: now at last they were beginning Chapter One of the Great Story which no one on earth has read: which goes on forever: in which every chapter is better than the one before.

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Michael Spencer, 1956-2010

Jeff — Tue, 06 Apr 2010 03:43:17 +0000

My Internet Monk has died. My tears tell me that I love and miss you dear brother.

Thank you Father, for gracing our lives with Michael Spencer. Give strength and peace to his family. Let us remember, as Michael often said, that the gospel is the heart of faith. Amen

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Precise Theology

Jeff — Sat, 20 Mar 2010 22:26:43 +0000

My Twitter self said that precise theology is overrated. Or that it’s an obstacle to true faith. Don’t you think it’s easy to get stuck in theology tar? Just sitting around producing correct theology. And being just right about everything. Ick.

I follow Jim Carrey on Twitter and someone recently criticized him a misspelling. He said,

I don’t believe in correcticons! I don’t believe in debaticons! I don’t believe in beatles! I just belieeeeve in me! Jenny and me. ;^) Link.

And,

pardon the ‘lump’ tw’t.what i meant was,those who deminish ppl’s effort by sighting tiny flaws sh’ld be urinated on from a great height! ;^) This link.

He’s got a point. Relax theology police with your obsessive-compulsive tendencies. Why are obsessive people rewarded as more spiritual as trusting, quiet types. Strange.

I think I’ve spent the past four years shedding a preoccupation with precision. And before you start flogging me for not caring about true conceptions of God I’ll say that I think theology is cool. Theology may even reflect the nature of God from time to time. But theology is not God… Father, Son or Spirit. God is God. And insofar as the substance of his character intersects theology then “happy day!” But lets pursue him, not surgical theological precision. He, he himself, is the giver of all good things.

Someone told us that a pastor wanted to do a Superbowl™ party at a church we know and the elders took issue with it. He said, “Great. You think of an outreach and we’ll do that. Otherwise we’re doing this deal.” None of the leadership offered an alternative.

I’m not a huge “Let’s do a Superbowl™ party for Jesus!” kind of guy. Neither am I remotely interested in arguing “outreach” possibilities with religious people. But the general point is taken. Precision takes a second place to living in the reality of the risen Christ. And let’s face it: life is for living. And we’re off…!

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